With Melo Trimble gone to the greener pastures of the G League, Maryland men's basketball has leaned on Anthony Cowan this season. The pressure hasn't fazed the sophomore guard, whose numbers have improved pretty much across the board — he's making more threes and free throws, grabbing more rebounds and dishing out more assists. It's to the point that he might be even better than Melo was at this point in his Terps career.
But the most amazing thing about Cowan's year isn't how well he's shooting or passing — it's how much he's playing. Not only has he seen action in each of Maryland's 22 games, he's spent just 91 minutes on the bench in those contests. And he's really gone hard in conference play: Over nine games against Big Ten opponents, he's been on the court for 349 minutes, and off the court for 16 minutes.
Yes, you read that correctly. No, it isn't a typo. Cowan has rested a total of 16 minutes in nine Big Ten games this season. It's absolutely insane, yet somehow he's pulled it off.
To get an idea of how little time that is, we decided to make a list of things you can do that take longer than 16 minutes. The next time you're taking part in any of these activities, take a second to reflect on how long it lasts, and how hard Cowan is balling.
Watching an episode of The Good Place
Your standard network sitcom clocks in at 30 minutes when it's on the air, commercials included. Even if you're watching it online and you skip ads, it'll usually last about 22 minutes. So the next time you sit down to watch an NBC show that's kind of a rip-off of that one Twilight Zone episode, think about how it would feel to divide that time up into breaks for nine basketball games.
Ordering a pizza
Thanks to a pricey lawsuit, Domino's no longer guarantees a free pizza if it takes more than 30 minutes to deliver. But most pizzas will come to your house 20 to 25 minutes after you call. The driver who's skidding around corners trying not to mess up your order should just consider himself lucky he doesn't have to run Mark Turgeon's offense.
Listening to “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida”
This classic track — its distinct title the product of drunken slurred speech — was the first big hit for Iron Butterfly, the band that arguably invented the genre of heavy metal. While the radio edit of "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" is a clean 2:53, the full album version comes in at a whopping 17 minutes and four seconds. It's such a long song that it damn near killed the First Church of Springfield organist. She's just lucky she doesn't have to face Michigan State.
Listening to the first five chapters of “Trapped in the Closet”
Maybe you prefer something a little more modern. R. Kelly's soap opera/musical/monstrosity has 33 "chapters" that came out from 2005 to 2012. The first five — found on his album Tp.3 Reloaded — are a combined 16 minutes and 29 seconds. Hearing the singer croon about his bizarre sexual escapades will probably put you to sleep, which you can't afford to do during a Division I basketball game.
Running a 5K
The average American runs a five-kilometer race at over 30 minutes; even the fastest won't get much below 20. My personal best for a road race is 17:43 — which, in fairness, came on a very flat course — and that left me feeling completely dead. I can hardly imagine having that little time to rest when I'm spending close to six hours on a basketball court. (Note: For Olympians, change this to "running a 10K.")
Watching the video of Vikings receiver Stefon Diggs’ game-winning 61-yard catch-and-run against the Saints in the NFC divisional round 28 times
C'mon. You're telling us you wouldn't stare at this on repeat?
.@STEFONDIGGS FOR THE WIN!!!!!!!!! #SKOL #NOvsMIN #NFLPlayoffs pic.twitter.com/UAoNJ2NJ97
— NFL (@NFL) January 15, 2018