After half a dozen tattoos, a shared piglet and a hit song named after him, Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande announced that they had ended their engagement on Sunday night. While it was only a matter of time, the news did come as quite a shock.
Grande and Davidson’s relationship received so much media coverage that it felt like they’d been engaged for an eternity. So how long did they last before their inevitable break up? Less than five months. To put that timeframe into perspective, here are things that have lasted longer than Ariana and Pete’s engagement:
A standard pregnancy lasts nine months long. Ariana and Pete’s relationship lasted a little over half of that. If their relationship were a fetus, it would weigh less than a turnip and be seven inches long from head to toe.
Not to get all Elle Woods here, but a perm generally lasts for six months. Meaning, if you got your hair curled back when Pete was dating Cazzie David and Ariana was still with Mac Miller, it would still be just as curly today.
Let’s say you started noticing the back of your throat hurting the morning you found out that Pete and Ariana were engaged. Since then, you’ve gone through the DayQuil, the Robitussin, the value pack of Kleenex and you continue to have an irritating cough and Rudolph nose longer than a diamond has been on Grande’s finger.
Brita recommends you switch out your filter every six months, so if you’re mourning the loss of Pete and Ariana’s relationship, take comfort in the fact that you’re drinking the same purified water you were before they started dating.
I’ll admit, this one’s a stretch. But doesn’t it feel like this song goes on for forever? I’ll bet that if you pressed play when news broke of their engagement, you’d only be up to that high-pitched ‘Galileo’ part right now.
A worker ant can live up to three years. THREE YEARS. Pete and Ariana could have been engaged and broken up nine times in those three years. Now think about how many ants you step on every day. They could have lived nine times longer than Pete and Ariana’s engagement.
You know that time of year when the Pumpkin Spice Latte is rolled out and white girls everywhere lose their minds and you can’t take two steps in a grocery store without seeing a new product that’s pumpkin spice-flavored? Well, that madness lasts longer than their engagement did.
If you are brave enough to step into the disorganized mess that is Forever 21 and fortunate enough to find an article of clothing that looks somewhat presentable, that means you’ve got three, maybe four, wears out of it tops before it disintegrates into a spec of lint in your washer. So if you wore that shirt the day Ariana and Pete got engaged, you’ve still got at least another go at it, which is more than can be said for their relationship.
Remember when Justin Bieber became a Spaniard for a hot sec? His remix with Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee stayed on the chart for 1 whole year. So if you started learning the song when Pete and Ariana got engaged, you’d be able to sing it in almost perfect Spanish by now and only have to mumble for like half of the song (which is totally understandable, that Daddy Yankee part is brutal).
LiLo’s 2007 stint in rehab lasted six months, so she was drug-free (or at least pretending to be) for almost twice the amount of time that Pete and Ari put a ring on it.
Why does it take an eternity to finish a bottle of shampoo? Chances are, you’re still using the same shampoo as you did when they announced their engagement. But you’ve probably gone through, like, five conditioners by now.
Can you imagine that there are bears out there right now that have slept through Pete and Ariana’s entire relationship?
The amount of coffins that show goes through is absurd. Even more absurd is that any given character on GoT has better odds at staying alive than Pete and Ariana’s relationship did. Now winter is coming and we don’t have their cute Instagram comments to keep us warm.
The fact that we haven’t had to update our iPhones with the latest software for the entirety of Ariana and Pete’s relationship should be very telling of just how fast their love affair came and went. All we can ask for now is a hilarious Weekend Update segment and surprise heartbreak album to give us some closure.
But fans won’t have to stay sad about the breakup for too long, because if their romance ended how it started, they both will be engaged to two completely different people by sometime next week.