Marist Red Foxes

College Park should see highs of 48 and 34 on Saturday and Sunday, respectively. But while we’re bundling up, The Diamondback’s Terrapins men’s basketball beat writer Aaron Kasinitz and the squad will be drinking in the sweet, sweet warmth of the U.S. Virgin Islands, which will be seeing temps in the mid-80s for the Paradise Jam. Swallow your jealousy along with your mix-made Commons Shop daiquiri — the Terps’ first Nonconfriends are the Marist Red Foxes.

A LOOK BACK: Someone forgot to tell the Terps how things were supposed to go this weekend. Somehow the football team came out of Lane Stadium in Blacksburg, Va. — often considered one of the most difficult places to play in America — with a 27-24 victory over Virginia Tech under their White Ops belts, their first win over the Hokies as conference foes. The Terps on the hardwood, meanwhile, did their best impression of a sturdy log on the mighty Columbia River, getting chewed up by the lowly Beavers from Oregon State, in a fetid display of defensive impotence — the first 90 points given up by a Mark Turgeon team in 40 minutes of play since 2009. Allowing 52 points in the second half, the Terps couldn’t find a way to show off or get much of anything going in front of President Obama and Sasha’s unicorn.

COMING INTO THE CARIBBEAN: The Marist Red Foxes fell by 45 points to an up-and-coming Providence College team at the Dunkin’ Donuts Center in scenic Providence, R.I., on Saturday. The Friars, interestingly enough, are also in the Paradise Jam this weekend, setting up a potential rematch between the two squads. The 0-4 Red Foxes are averaging just more than 53 points a game this season, and they fell to Stony Brook, Elon and Saint Joseph’s before getting fried by the Friars. Marist went 6-12 in the Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference — which was championed by NIT Nonconfriend Niagara — last season. The Foxes parted ways with five-year coach Chuck Martin, who went 41-117 with the boys from Poughkeepsie, N.Y. Marist is now trying its luck under, I kid you not, a former interim head coach and general manager of them New Orleans Hornets, Jeff Bower.

STRENGTHS: The Terps’ interior defense got beaten up Sunday. Forward Charles Mitchell and center Shaquille Cleare didn’t have an answer for nimble Beavers forward Devon Collier, who grabbed a double-double, racking up 29 points and 11 rebounds. That could again prove to be an issue with senior forward Adam Kemp from Marist. The 6-foot-10 big man led the MAAC last season with a .555 field goal percentage and has swatted away 167 shots entering the season, which could offer trouble for the Terps on both sides of the ball.

WEAKNESSES: Like the Terps in their first two games of the season, Marist has had a hard time getting out of the gates this year. They are averaging 22 points in the first half, and they scored fewer than 20 points in the first twice. Against Providence College, the Red Foxes were buried well before the half ended and never posed much of a threat for the Friars. If the Terps can jump out early and exploit that lethargy, this game shouldn’t be too close.

CAMPUS CONNECTION: Shake your martinis, put on your best tuxedo and grab your favorite pistol. It’s time to spy. According to The Washington Post, noted conspiracy theorist and CIA impostor Oswald LeWinter taught as a professor at both Marist and this university. LeWinter, a poet and author from Vienna, often fronted as a CIA operative, setting up bogus operations and pushing his conspiracy theories on important figures from around the world, including Egyptian business magnate Mohamed Al-Fayed. LeWinter tried to convince Al-Fayed that the car accident that killed both his son, Dodi, and Princess Diana, was actually a plan executed by the British government. Wacky stuff. LeWinter died of an extended illness in February. Real bummer. I was hoping he would teach junior English this fall.

FUN FACT: Bill O’Reilly and an alleged graduation from Marist College? That is the subject of tonight’s Nonconfriends Talking Points Memo. Now O’Reilly says he was the punter with the Red Foxes’ club football team, in which he once punted a ball backward. But can we ever be sure that he did? O’Reilly’s a good commentator, but football player? Probably. It’s actually pretty well recorded. Comedian (?) Dennis Miller is on next for some reason. F— it, we’ll do it live! Can’t explain that. Buy my book. Thanks, Obama.

TERP CONFIDENCE LEVEL: Nine out of 10. The Terps are peeved. Mark Turgeon? Peeved. Dez Wells? Peeved. I’m peeved too. And with some history of performing well in the Caribbean, drubbing some Bahamian teams this summer, the Terps shouldn’t have trouble silencing the Foxes. What do they say, anyway? Sorry.

NEXT NONCONFRIEND: Who knows? It’s the magic of the tourney — something the Terps don’t know a whole lot about. If they win, they’ll play Sunday. Lose, play Saturday. They’ll see fellow Paradise Jammers Loyola Marymount or Jayhawk-killers Northern Iowa depending on how the dice fall.

Until then, keep your friends close and your Nonconfriends closer.