Ratsie’s Pizza on Route 1

Ratsie’s (Written at 2 p.m.)

Nestled at the intersection of Route 1 and Knox Road is a College Park institution, the kind of miraculous throwback of a place that seems as old as the university itself, born out of nothingness with tacky wood paneling, ever-so-greasy tile floors and luminescent “PIZZA BY SLICE” sign already worn in.

And as an institution, you know what you’re going to get at Ratsie’s — officially known as Ratsie’s Terrapin Eatery, but come on, literally no one has said that full name out loud ever. The pizza slices are huge and greasy and intensely satisfying; the mozzarella sticks are warm cheese logs covered in pretty decent breading; the beer counter is always fully stocked with your favorite domestics (assuming your favorite is Yuengling or Bud Light) and the wings are a thing available to order.

This is not to disparage Ratsie’s. Quite the contrary, in fact; where Slices is more elegant and Domino’s more professional, the experience of Ratsie’s is the experience of College Park, through and through, for better or for worse. It is loud and a little off-putting and much better when you’re drunk. It is utterly unpretentious yet full of a rich, storied history. It is crammed with people who will become your best friends for life. It’s scary at first, but eventually it’s home.

There might be better schools and better college towns and better pizza places, but when you’re inside Ratsie’s, deep into a Friday night in College Park, it’s the greatest place in the world. It might be ugly, but that’s a beautiful thing.

Ratsie’s (Written at 1 a.m.)

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHAA.

Pizza? Anybody, pizza? Come on. COME ON.

The line’s too long at Slice. Slices. THE LINE’S TOO LONG. LET’S JUST GET (hiccup) Razziets. It’s BETTER, anyway. Razziess is.

Hi. Yeah. Uh. Three slices of pepperoni. Wha- shut up, I’ll eat all three. Shut up. Wha-?

Have they called my number yet? Did they (dry swallow) call (burp) my number?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHAAAA.

This piece is part of the diversions section’s Friday package on College Park’s best pizza.